Pool of Random Thoughts

Self Conclusion

2006-12-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

by The Spill Canvas

Fade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world.

"Excuse me sir
But I have plans to die tonight
Oh, and you are directly in my way
And I bet you're gonna say it's not right"

My reply:
"Excuse me miss
But do you have the slightest clue
Of exactly what you just said to me
And exactly who you're talking to?"

She said, "I don't care, you don't even know me."

I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully."

We all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

"You make it sound so easy to be alive
But tell me how am I supposed seize this day
When everything inside me has died."

My reply:
"Trust me girl
I know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice
Instead of dying, [live] with me."

She said, "Are you crazy? You don't even know me."

I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully."

"I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough.
And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough.
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
But what good would that do? My offer stands and you must choose."

"All right, you win, but I'd only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight
I swear to god if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming."

"Settle precious, I know what you're going through
Just ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too."

We all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

Sonnet 1: Fondness for Fire

2006-08-11T10:28:00.000-07:00

I burnt my hand
It stings like I never knew it could
Perhaps it comes with the fondness of fire.

You take my hand and look at it
Your laughter then crackles in the silence
While you tell me how much of a baby I am

yours
In the orange glow of the fire
Your hands grazing my body
Steadily fanning my passions to life.
My skin aches for your touch
And my soul longs for more of you.

Our shadows dance on the walls.
Our shadow dances on the wall.

Sonnet 17

2006-08-07T09:44:00.000-07:00

by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were the salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

To a Stranger

2006-08-07T09:43:00.000-07:00

by Walt Whitman

Passing stranger! You do not know how longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me as of a dream,)
I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall’d as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,
You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become not yours only nor left my body mine only,
You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass, you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,
I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone,
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

To You

2006-08-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

by Walt Whitman

Whoever you are, I fear you are walking the walks of dreams,
I fear these supposed realities are to melt from under your feet and hands,
Even now in your features, joys, speech, house, trade, manners, troubles, follies, costume, crimes, dissipate away from you,
Your true soul and body appear before me,
They stand forth out of affairs, out of commerce, shops, work, farms, clothes, the house, buying, selling, eating, drinking, suffering, dying.

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem,
I whisper with my lips close to your ear,
I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you.

O I have been dilatory and dumb,
I should have made my way straight to you long ago,
I should have blabb’d nothing but you, I should have chanted nothing but you.

I will leave all and come and make the hymns of you,
None has understood you, but I understand you,
None has done justice to you, but I understand you,
None but hast found you imperfect, I only find no imperfection in you,
None but would subordinate you, I only am he who will never consent to subordinate you,
I only am he who places over you no master, owner, better, God, beyond what waits intrinsically in yourself.

Painters have painted their swarming groups and the centre of all,
From the head of the centre-figure spreading a nimbus of gold-color’d light,
But I paint myriads of heads, but paint no head without its nimbus of gold-color’d light,
From my hand from the brain of every man and woman it streams, effulgently flowing forever.

O I could sing such grandeurs and glories about you
You have not known what you are, you have slumber’d upon yourself all your life,
Your eyelids have been the same as closed most of the time,
What you have done returns already in mockeries,
(Your thrift, knowledge, prayers, if they do not return in mockeries, what is their return?)

The mockeries are not you,
Underneath them and within them I see you lurk,
I pursue you where no else has pursued you,
Silence, the desk, the flippant expression, the night, the accustom’d routine, if these conceal you from others or from yourself, they do not conceal you from me,
The shaved face, the unsteady eye, the impure complexion, if these balk others they do not balk me,
The pert apparel, the deform’d attitude, drunkenness, the greed, premature death, all these I part aside.

There is no endowment in man or woman that is not tallied in you,
There is no virtue, no beauty in man or woman, but as good is in you,
No pluck, no endurance in others, but as good is in you,
No pleasure waiting for others, but an equal pleasure waits for you.

As for me, I give nothing to anyone except I give the like carefully to you,
I sing the songs of the glory of none, not God, sooner than I sing the songs of the glory of you.

Whoever you are! Claim our own at any hazard!
These shows of the East and West are tame compared to you,
These immense meadows, these interminable rivers, you are immense and interminable as they,
These furies, elements, storm, motions of Nature, throes of apparent dissolution, you are he or she who is master or mistress over them,
Master or mistress in your own right over Nature, elements, pain, passion, dissolution.

The hopples fall from your ankles, you find an unfailing sufficiency,
Old or young, male or female, rude, low, rejected by the rest, whatever you are promulges itself,
Through birth, life, death, burial, the means are provided, nothing is scanted,
Through angers, losses, ambition, ignorance, ennui, what you are picks its way.

When I Think About You

2006-07-12T08:55:00.000-07:00

Para sa'yo dahil hanggang ngayon, mahal parin kita...

Your laughter echoes in the quiet
Soothing as the sound of a river
That flows through the desert of my mind.
The light that dances on your hair,
The shadows cast on your face
Sting the wounds that never healed.
You dwell in the hollow of my memory.

deep breaths

2006-04-17T15:41:00.000-07:00

Deep breaths
before the plunge
prepares you for what await
excites you with the unknown
scares you.

Take one
feel the air run through you.

Deep breaths
give you the relief you need.

Take one
and realize how good it is
to take one
and to not take one.

Untitled No. 8

2005-10-31T19:17:00.000-08:00

(tugon muli para sa makatang si Lala Mae)

Sa bawat pagsikat ng Araw
At sa bawat sinag na kanyang hatid
Ay may isang buwang nakatingin
Naghihintay; nagmamasid

Minsa'y nasobrahan sa liwanag
At si Buwa'y di na mabanaagan
Pero di nito ibig sabihin
Na si Araw ay kanya nang iniwan

Dahil napaamo na ng Araw ang Buwan
Di kailan maiisip na lumayo
Dala ni Buwa'y liwanag ng Araw
Saan man siya magtungo

Untitled No. 143

2005-10-31T19:14:00.000-08:00

The sky was dark and gloomy
No light was to be found
The Moon that used to be so bright
Had said goodbye and gone

The Sun had wept of because of this
And the Moon had cried more so
For only if she had a choice
The Moon would never go

The Sun will rise again
Tomorrow is not too soon
If only she'd remain as bright
For her friend, the Moon

Untitled No. 13

2005-08-28T06:54:00.000-07:00

(Tugon sa makatang si Sunshine)

Ang hindi ko maintindihan
Ay kung paano mo nasabi sa akin
Na ika’y hindi ko na kailangan
At pag-ibig sa’yo ngayo’y itinigil

Mga pinakatatagong ngiti
At pinakalilihim na tingin
Ni minsan ay hindi ko inakalang
Pag nawala’y iyo pang hahanapin

Malayo man ang katawan ko sa’yo
At tila’y di na muling maaabot mo
Tandaan na sa iyo ay matagal nang iniwan
Ang aking nag-iisa at nagmamahal na puso

Habang ako’y patakbo papunta sa iba
Ako’y natigilan dahil nakita ka
Tanong sa sarili ko’y “Maaari nga kaya
Na ako’y lumigaya kahit sa piling ko’y wala ka?”

Nakakainis ang ibang tao
Kalungkutan ko’y binabati
Nakakainis ang ibang tao
Kasawian ko’y pilit na pinapawi
Nakakalungkot ang nakaraan
Puro at lagi na lang ikaw ang laman
Mga alaalang dala’y kaligayahan
Mga gunitang kasama’y kalungkutan

Ang galing mo palang magtago
Ng kahinaang akala ko’y wala ka
Pakatandaang mananatili ako sa tabi mo
Para sandalan mo pag lakas ay ubos na

Pinapangarap na makasama ka
Ipinagdarasal na muli’y makausap ka
Pinanghihinaan tuwing naaalala
Ang dati’y narito ay lumayo na

Pagdating ng gabi at ako’y nag-iisa
Sa pagpikit ay mukha mo ang nakikita
Laging nagpapasalamat sa Poong Maykapal
Dahil sa buhay ko ay naging bahagi ka

Lahat ng pighati’y aking titiisin
At lahat ng kasawian ay kakayanin
Kaligayahan mo’y maibigay lang,
Wala akong hindi gagawin…

With You

2005-06-21T04:01:00.000-07:00

If death is a life without you, then I am dead.
I will wait for you to come back to me
Because the entirety of me wants nothing else but life...
With you.

Master of Me

2005-04-28T21:29:00.000-07:00

I am being torn apart, piece by piece.

My heart, my limbs, my head...

And my soul goes to that unimaginable place.

Yet there are no feelings,

And there are no words.

I see you floating an eternity from me.

I holler at you,

And we are together again.

But I cannot hold you

Or kiss you

Or love you...

I simply float around.

I am immobile, as I am helpless

For I have no body...

Yet you put the pieces back together

Pieces of my body I thought I have lost.

My head, my limbs and my heart...

And soon I feel blood pulsing through me...

Feel. The word itself is alive.

Indeed you are the master of me,

The only one who knows what to do

When things in my life have fallen apart.

You are the only one who knows what to do

When I fall apart.

Pitch Black

2005-04-23T02:54:00.000-07:00

Everything was too much
For her to take.
The pain was unbearable,
Physically and emotionally.
She would give anything for peace and quiet.
Then, a man willing to trade
Peace and quiet for her body and her soul
She gave it,
"Anything other than this crummy life", she thinks.
The deal was done.
There was nothing but pitch black.
The pain was gone
It must be swimming
In the endless stream of nothingness
But so was she.

She Would Not Say

2005-04-23T02:46:00.000-07:00

She is happy
Her eyes are brilliant
And her lips are smiling.
She must be in love.
But who she loves she would not say.

She whispers:
"The cat's out of the bag.
I have confessed my love."
But there is no celebration,
No brilliant eyes and smiling lips.
The reason, she would not say.

She had been crying
You could tell from her eyes
You could tell from her red, puffy eyes.
She had been crying but
The reason she would not say.

She sighs deeply
And stares blankly into space.
She sighs but
Her thoughts she would not say.

She ran into the rainAnd cried some more
As the heavens cried for her
She opened her mouth to the sky
In a hopeless attempt to
Drown herself, drown her pain.
But it would not happen.
So she wails
And her voice echoes.

She sits quietly now.
She would not say many things.
She loved him, and she wanted him to know.
So she said it.
But she should not have.